


Anarchy In The USA

by Brenda



Series: Gee & Buchanan [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Bucky Barnes As The World's Most Dangerous Housewife, But Loveable Ones, Domestic Bliss, Kittens, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Bucky Barnes, Puppies, Sassy Steve Rogers, cats are assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-26
Updated: 2015-07-26
Packaged: 2018-04-11 05:58:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4424051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brenda/pseuds/Brenda
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Our cat is terrorizing our dog and you seem remarkably okay with this.  Is this the kind of responsible pet-sitting I can expect while I'm out in the field?  I'm relying on you to keep them in line."</i>
</p><p>  <i>Bucky takes back the coffeepot, and shakes his head.  Steve's like a broken record right now.  "You know that 'I'm super disappointed in you and your life choices' look or tone hasn't worked on me since we were seven, right?"</i></p><p>  <i>Steve hip-checks him, and grins, caught out, but not looking too upset about it.  "It was worth a shot."</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Anarchy In The USA

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fadedink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadedink/gifts).



> This may or may not become a series. Who knows at this point. I have about as much control as Bucky does over Gee.
> 
> Also, go [here](http://lynchy8.tumblr.com/post/124693040454/iamthegreeneyedmonster-beardset) to see what I was envisioning when I started writing this. Because, cats. :D

The thing most people haven't cottoned onto yet about Steve is that the guy's a straight up asshole. Oh sure, he's got a moral backbone about as wide as the seven seas combined, and yeah, he's always looking out for the underdog and the underprivileged, because he's got a heart as big as Mount Everest, and he's always hated bullies. But people tend to forget (or maybe they just never knew) that, half the time, Steve had gotten his ass kicked back in the day because he was a mouthy little shit. Bucky swears Steve was born with a knack for pissing people off just because he could.

So, when Bucky overhears someone at the vet's office saying something about how pets develop the personalities of their humans, he can only laugh until he's got actual tears streaming down his face. 

Because Gee, as tiny and cute and adorable as she is, she’s _also_ an anarchist asshole of the highest order. Sure, she's a wee little thing, with those big ears and big blue eyes framed by the cutest face (sort of like Steve). And maybe she's all fluff and the loudest purrs known to man and snuggles when she wants to be (also like Steve), but she's also a destructive terror who lives to watch the world burn. Part of Bucky lives in healthy fear of her more vicious rampages, but most of the time, he admires her creativity and determination. (He's got a healthy respect for anyone who gives zero fucks, be it a person or an animal.)

But then, he and Steve bring Buchanan home and, in the parlance of the kids today, shit gets real.

None of this, it should be noted, is Buchanan's fault. He's a total love bug, first off. Sweetest dog on the planet, an absolute marshmallow of sunshine and affection who makes every single terrible person who’s ever talked about the aggressiveness and dangerousness of pit bulls seem like an idiot. Although, in all honesty, Bucky's found most people these days actually _are_ idiots, but he tries to stay polite. It's easy enough to do when he knows he could literally kill anyone who pisses him off using nothing but a paper clip. He leaves most of the heavy avenging and shit-kicking to Steve, who pretty much lives to kick ass and take names, and that's been true since they were kids.

Buchanan is the type of dog who lives to play and cuddle and is happy as hell just to _be_. (It's very Zen and soothing, especially on Bucky's bad days.) He's eighty pounds of pure love who goes into ecstasy when he's getting his belly rubbed and thinks catch is probably the greatest thing ever invented. There is nothing complicated about him, and he doesn't have a mean bone in his body.

So, yeah, Buchanan's not the problem. No, the problem is Gee. Because Gee should really be on a domestic terrorist watch list somewhere. (And it wouldn't surprise Bucky if she was higher up on the list than he was himself.)

***

"Buck!!!"

Steve sounds slightly panicked, but Bucky takes his time strolling from the bedroom into the kitchen area. He knows all of Steve's tones better than Steve probably does, knows when he's in trouble or hurt or annoyed or just bored and whiny, and there's nothing imperative in this particular tone. Also, for decades now, he and Steve have had a code in place in case they were ever ambushed — they've had it since before the War even, when they used to have to keep an eye out for whatever dickhead had it in for Steve that week.

So, Bucky takes the time to pull on some boxers and tie his hair back, and gets to the kitchen just in time to see Gee puff herself into the biggest ball she can, and launch herself, howling, at Buchanan like the world's fluffiest rocket. Buchanan yelps and backpedals right into the chair behind him, then yelps again and skitters off, nails scraping over the wood floor as five pounds of demonic cat go racing after him in a blur down the hall.

Bucky looks from the door to Steve. "What the fuck was that about?"

"That cat is a fucking menace," Steve states. His hair's sticking up in about eight million directions, there's spilled strawberry jam on his t-shirt and he's wearing bright pink boxers with tiny dancing penises on them. Captain America, ladies and gentlemen. Your tax dollars hard at work.

Bucky's so in love with him he's stupid with it most days.

"That cat, may I remind you, is your cat," he replies, and steps in close enough to give Steve a quick kiss before moving to the coffeepot. Empty. Figures he'd have to make it himself. Steve is useless in the mornings, always has been. Another secret most of the world doesn't know. 

(Most people, for some odd reason, think Steve's up with the sunrise and a gung ho attitude, when the truth is, the only time he's up at sunrise is if he hasn't gone to bed the night before.)

"Menace," Steve repeats, like Bucky's hard of hearing. "I think she's gotten worse since I've been gone."

Bucky cocks an ear, but can't hear the usual crashing of furry bodies against furniture or Gee's caterwauling howls of triumph once she's gotten a good hold of Buchanan with either her teeth or claws, so things are probably okay for now. If he has to guess, he'd say Buchanan is currently cowering under the bed while Gee's napping away on top of it like she doesn't have a care in the world. That's their normal M.O. most days. 

"Laws of the jungle, Steve," he says, and snags the beans and the coffee grinder. "The strongest always win."

Steve leans against the counter and crosses his arms. "I thought the entire point of this arrangement was you were supposed to be keeping an eye on Gee to make sure she behaves."

Bucky laughs so loud he's sure he'll wake the neighborhood. "Since when has _anyone_ with your name ever listened to a word I've said?"

"Not helping."

"Well, I _can't_ help it. That's the funniest thing I think you've ever said to me," he replies, once he's calm enough to speak. "You do remember this is the same cat who figured out how to open the door and jumped on your back while we were having sex, right?"

Steve winces. "I'm pretty sure if I could _get_ scars nowadays, I'd have a few just from that morning."

"Exactly. She's a life ruiner and a mood killer and lives to thwart everyone in her path. I've been told by more than one person that's just what cats do."

"Still doesn't make what she's doing right, Buck," Steve argues. "We can't just let her keep going after Buchanan like that. She might really hurt him."

"I keep waiting for the day he realizes he's bigger than her and could eat her like a snack, if I'm honest." Bucky hands Steve the coffeepot so he can fill it with water. "And, if it makes you feel better, I normally let Buchanan have a ten second head start before I let Gee loose to go after him. That seems pretty fair to me."

"Our cat is terrorizing our dog and you seem remarkably okay with this. Is this the kind of responsible pet-sitting I can expect while I'm out in the field? I'm relying on you to keep them in line."

Bucky takes back the pot, and shakes his head. Steve's like a broken record right now. "You know that 'I'm super disappointed in you and your life choices' look or tone hasn't worked on me since we were seven, right?"

Steve hip-checks him, and grins, caught out, but not looking too upset about it. "It was worth a shot."

"Well, can the spiel, alright. I may be your housewife, but I can't control the kids any more than you can." He gives Steve his slyest look. "Maybe they just miss their dad and they're acting out."

"If that was you attempting a hint, you missed subtlety by a mile."

"Who said anything about subtle?"

"You...do you want me to cut back?" Steve asks. He's looking at Bucky all quiet and serious now, like he always gets when the subject of missions or his work with the Avengers comes up. "You want me to go part-time or to quit? I can do that. Whatever you want."

"I want you to do whatever it is that makes you happy," Bucky replies, because they've had this conversation. More than once. "I'm not going to dictate to you any more than you dictate to me. That's why we work."

Steve gives him that under the lashes look and small smile he loves so much. "Half the time, I think we work because no one else would put up with either of us."

"No one would put up with _you_ , maybe," Bucky replies, with a grin. "You've been a pain in my ass as long as I've known you. But me, I'm a prize catch. Strong, handsome, able to handle any weapon, good for opening jars or lifting super heavy objects..."

"Yeah, but you're terrible with animals," Steve tells him, and reaches around to pull two mugs out of the cabinet.

"I'm great with animals," Bucky argues. "I let them do their thing, they let me do mine. It's a good arrangement."

"Yeah, for you and Gee," Steve says.

"You know she's still your favorite," Bucky says. "Sure, she sits on my shoulder when no one else is around and she needs a good vantage point, but you're the only one who's allowed to scratch her belly or bathe her."

"That's not comforting."

"Look, I tell you what." Bucky sidles up close, runs his hand under Steve's shirt, warming the metal on bare skin. "After coffee, let's take Buchanan down to the park, let him run around and sniff at everything, pay him lots of attention and play with him until we've tired him out, then come back home. The kids tend to get along better after they've been separated for awhile."

"Yeah?" Steve leans into the next kiss, murmurs his appreciation. "You still shouldn't encourage them."

"Hell yeah I should. You can't fool me, Steve, I know you love the videos I keep sending you and Clint." Clint is especially fond of the ones where Gee has Buchanan trapped in a corner somewhere and won't let him pass – but then, Clint is Bucky's exact brand of terrible human being, which probably says something about both of them.

Steve screws up his face and winces, like he's been caught out and is ashamed of it. "They are kinda funny, I guess." 

"They're hysterical is what they are. It's like free entertainment every day of the week."

"Our dog is going to need so much therapy," Steve laments.

Bucky tries to imagine Buchanan lying on psychiatrist's sofa and barking mournfully about his abusive home life, and laughs. "Lucky for us, I have time these days to take him to as many doggie shrinks as his sweet, empty head can handle."

"You know what's really amusing, though?" Steve asks, then continues before Bucky can reply. "What's amusing is Gee dominating Buchanan like it's her job when I could never get you to do a damn thing without begging for it."

Bucky nips at Steve's bottom lip and gives him a friendly leer. "Yeah, but I _like_ it when you beg."

"I knew you were gonna say that."

"And just so we're clear here," Bucky says, because he knows it's important he and Steve both use their words as much as they can, "I also like knowing you're out there with the shield keeping everyone safe. Because it makes you happy and it fulfills you, and that's all I want for you."

"I know." But Steve's smile goes all soft and affectionate. "And I like knowing you're here keeping the home front safe. I just miss you when I'm gone. You _and_ the hellions."

"Hush your mouth, Buchanan is an angel," Bucky replies, with a grin. "And we'll be here, safe and sound and mostly sane. Just come back to us."

"You know I will," Steve promises, with a sweet, thorough kiss that melts Bucky's heart along with his brain. Maybe the coffee can wait after all.

***

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Stephrc79](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stephrc79) for the beta!!! <33
> 
> You can now find me on [Tumblr](http://brendaonao3.tumblr.com/). :)


End file.
